First Contact And More

It's that time again. What time? Eden Fantasys review time!

Today's secret word is "ticklers".

Yes, ticklers. When the Captain told me to order this thing, I was not-so-quietly horrified. Things that tickle are on par with things that are designed to stab people in the eyes, so far as I'm concerned. Tickling me is usually a sure-fire way to get yourself hit rather forcefully... and the Captain delights in not allowing me to hit him, for some reason. You know, he may not be a sadist, but he's pretty Method in his acting.

Somewhere, a child's play car wash is missing its mitter curtain

The package arrived, as they do, in a plain brown box. Luckily the children were all hanging around when the Captain retrieved the package from the courier, so he was treated to delightful chorus of "What's in the box, Daddy?", "What's that, Daddy?" and "Why can't I see what it is, Daddy?" as he tried to take it downstairs. Sucker.

That smug feeling wasn't to last very long, though. The video on this product's page uses words like "excite", "delight" and "tantalize" to describe it (all while a woman writhes most improbably), but for me one word sums the experience up: infuriate.

First contact made me irritated. Like the Brain trying to deal with Pinky-level irritated. "Yes, Pinky, we're going to open a boutique and sell ladies' fashion and pollen"-level irritation.

It didn't take much more than a few seconds for that irritation to turn into full-blown homicidal rage. The sensation of the rubber dragging against my body was like the tactile version of listening to Sarah Palin's voice. It didn't tickle, it just made me want to kill.

The Captain decided change his approach and started using the tickler as a mini flogger and crop. This was definitely better than using it to "entice" in that it didn't give rise to murder lust. Of course, it didn't do much more than that, either. A cheap and flimsily made tickler does not make a great impact toy.

When the tables were turned (strictly for scientific purposes, of course), the Captain did find it somewhat pleasing to have me drag the tickler along his junk - a game I mentally called "Clownfish in the Anemone". Overall, though, this is not a fantastic addition to our slowly growing collection of sex toys.